This is more simple than finding a good physician. (See previous post) First of all, a licensed therapist is someone who can provide ongoing "talk" therapy. Most licensed therapists are not also M.D.s, meaning they can't prescribe medications for "mood" or "mental" disorders. If you need a Psychiatrist, an M.D., for medication management, than see my previous post. Personally, I don't go to my Psychiatrist anymore because all they did was prescribe my anti-anxiety medication. That's all they could do. Well, guess what, a D.O. or any other M.D. can do the same thing. If you actually need emotional treatment other that just medication, you need to find a good licensed therapist.
However, there are other more alternative forms of emotional therapies out there that have worked for me, and aren't performed by licensed therapists and I'll list those at the end of this post.
After you've done a search for licensed therapists in your area, or located them on your insurance's website, check them out online. See if they have reviews or a website. If they have a website, you can usually find out all you need to know about them (without meeting them in person) there.
If no website, or even if they do have a website, call or email them and ask:
#1 Do you have a lot of success treating (whatever your emotional issue is)?
#2 Do you do EMDR? If so, do you use the eye-movement, tapping, or binaural beats? (Hopefully they will answer that they use any and all of them, depending on the client)
#3 Are you familiar with EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and do you use it?
#4 Do you use hypnotherapy?
#5 How many years have you been in practice? (In this case, as long as they know the above forms of therapy, the more years the better.)
Most therapists use cognitive behavior therapy and other traditional forms of therapy, but nowadays a lot of therapists have training in the above forms of therapy too. Find someone who does. EMDR especially.
You should be able to speak personally on the phone with the therapist to get these questions answered, and they should have a kind and willing manner. You should like their voice.
Try to schedule a visit with more than one therapist so you can decide who you'd like to start seeing after meeting with each of them and getting a feel for their personality and their approach, to see who is a good match for you.
Other non-licensed practitioners who do emotional work are:
lay hypnotists (one organization is the IMDHA)
Bodytalk practitioners (Bodytalk Systems)
EFT practitioners (emofree.com )
I have found relief with Bodytalk and with self-hypnosis. Though many people swear by EFT. My therapist has had success with clients using EFT, but we've not tried it together yet. I haven't had much success with EFT on my own for my particular issues. At this time EMDR has given me the most resolution and the licensed therapist I go to does EMDR, hypnotherapy, EFT, and cognitive therapy.
Good luck.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
How To Find A Good Doctor
Here is the first of a series of posts I'd like to do specifically on what I've been learning while going through a several-year long struggle with gastrointestinal, emotional, and other health issues. Specifically what has worked and not worked to get me where I am, which is beginning to see a change for the better. Hopefully this information will help someone else.
Let's say you don't have a primary care physician, or don't like the one you do have and want to switch, but can't get a personal recommendation from a friend or relative. If you have health insurance and find yourself looking for a doctor on say, your insurance website's directory of physicians, the first thing I would do is
#1 Decide whether you want to go to an M.D. or a D.O. Both are physicians who have had the same amount of training and who can prescribe medication. The difference in an M.D. and a D.O. is that a D.O. can do everything an M.D. does but also has ADDITIONAL training in osteopathic manipulative medicine, a form of therapy that uses physical contact used to improve the impaired or altered function of the musculo-skeletal system. They can do adjustments similar to, but not exactly the same as, chiropractors. In my experience, D.O.s tend to have a more open mind when it comes to alternative forms of therapy, such as using natural supplements, homeopathy, or Muscle Response Testing. If you're going to pay a copay to a doctor, you may as well go to the one with the most training and wider knowledge. That would be the D.O.
#2 google that person's name and see if they have a website and/or any google or other consumer reviews. If a doctor doesn't have a website, this could be a bad or a good sign. On one hand, most doctors with expensive looking websites may be more expensive and may not even accept insurance anymore, but only private pay, because they can make more money that way. You have to call and confirm that they still accept your insurance. Generally it is good to have a website for something to go by; hopefully their site gives information on what sort of services they provide and what sort of conditions they have experience and success in treating, their philosophy, etc. Not to mention you can see what they look like if they have a pic up, and in my experience younger doctors are usually more up-to-date and open-minded when it comes to more alternative forms of treatment. Though, this is not always the case and my current D.O. is an older man and he's great. He also doesn't have a website.
#3 If you can't locate a website, call the doctor up and notice whether a kind and friendly voice answers and is willing to answer your questions, or whether a more stern and careless voice answers, sounds hurried, and asks if you will hold. If the latter, this may be a red flag. For one, they are clearly a super busy office and you may have a harder time getting in for appointments and longer wait times when you get there. Secondly, if they aren't friendly and willing to answer your questions this may not be a good office to deal with. Or, the fact that they are busy may be a sign that this is a good doctor in high demand. Still, the voice should be nice.
#4 When you get the friendly voice on the phone willing to answer questions, here are the questions you need to ask. Cater these to your needs, but the first few are pretty crucial. The front desk person may not have all the answers to these questions, but still ask and hopefully they will be willing to get the answers and call you back.
A) Does Dr._____ have a website?
B) Is this a very large or small office?
C) Does Dr. _____ treat systemic candida? (Will explain this in a sec)
D) Does Dr. ______ treat allergies?
E) Does Dr. ______ treat H. pylori?
F) Does Dr._______ use any natural treatments like homeopathy?
G) Does Dr._______ use Muscle Testing? (a doctor who uses this can often find answers or indications when you've had trouble finding answers any other way)
H) Does Dr. ______ have success with treating (whatever your condition is-if you know it)?
I) Does Dr. _______ do pelvic exams in the office or would you have to be referred to someone else? (if you are a woman)
J) Does Dr. _______ use osteopathy with most patients? (ask this because I went to one D.O. who never even examined me "osteopathically".)
The reason you want to find out if this doctor treats systemic candida or h.pylori is that if this doctor doesn't really know much about these conditions, chances are they are missing one of these diagnosis' in a lot of cases. So many people have candida or h.pylori or both and don't even know it. Also, more natural and alternative doctors know more about candida than do most traditional western physicians. It's just better if they know about it because candida can cause so many other conditions, especially if you're suffering with any kind of gastrointestinal issues. The same goes for H.pylori.
Hopefully you'll be able to get most of these questions answered without being brushed off.
#5 If you can, try to find more than one D.O. or M.D. to visit so that you can choose who you want to start seeing after getting more than one perspective. See two or three and find out which one is more attentive, the better listener, the one who asks you the most questions, and go to that one. Choose the doctor with a balance of both traditional medicine and natural/alternative medicine techniques.
Good Luck. If you need a recommendation for a practitioner (D.O., D.O.C., D.O.M, Neurologist, etc.)in the Austin area, let me know. I may have one.
Let's say you don't have a primary care physician, or don't like the one you do have and want to switch, but can't get a personal recommendation from a friend or relative. If you have health insurance and find yourself looking for a doctor on say, your insurance website's directory of physicians, the first thing I would do is
#1 Decide whether you want to go to an M.D. or a D.O. Both are physicians who have had the same amount of training and who can prescribe medication. The difference in an M.D. and a D.O. is that a D.O. can do everything an M.D. does but also has ADDITIONAL training in osteopathic manipulative medicine, a form of therapy that uses physical contact used to improve the impaired or altered function of the musculo-skeletal system. They can do adjustments similar to, but not exactly the same as, chiropractors. In my experience, D.O.s tend to have a more open mind when it comes to alternative forms of therapy, such as using natural supplements, homeopathy, or Muscle Response Testing. If you're going to pay a copay to a doctor, you may as well go to the one with the most training and wider knowledge. That would be the D.O.
#2 google that person's name and see if they have a website and/or any google or other consumer reviews. If a doctor doesn't have a website, this could be a bad or a good sign. On one hand, most doctors with expensive looking websites may be more expensive and may not even accept insurance anymore, but only private pay, because they can make more money that way. You have to call and confirm that they still accept your insurance. Generally it is good to have a website for something to go by; hopefully their site gives information on what sort of services they provide and what sort of conditions they have experience and success in treating, their philosophy, etc. Not to mention you can see what they look like if they have a pic up, and in my experience younger doctors are usually more up-to-date and open-minded when it comes to more alternative forms of treatment. Though, this is not always the case and my current D.O. is an older man and he's great. He also doesn't have a website.
#3 If you can't locate a website, call the doctor up and notice whether a kind and friendly voice answers and is willing to answer your questions, or whether a more stern and careless voice answers, sounds hurried, and asks if you will hold. If the latter, this may be a red flag. For one, they are clearly a super busy office and you may have a harder time getting in for appointments and longer wait times when you get there. Secondly, if they aren't friendly and willing to answer your questions this may not be a good office to deal with. Or, the fact that they are busy may be a sign that this is a good doctor in high demand. Still, the voice should be nice.
#4 When you get the friendly voice on the phone willing to answer questions, here are the questions you need to ask. Cater these to your needs, but the first few are pretty crucial. The front desk person may not have all the answers to these questions, but still ask and hopefully they will be willing to get the answers and call you back.
A) Does Dr._____ have a website?
B) Is this a very large or small office?
C) Does Dr. _____ treat systemic candida? (Will explain this in a sec)
D) Does Dr. ______ treat allergies?
E) Does Dr. ______ treat H. pylori?
F) Does Dr._______ use any natural treatments like homeopathy?
G) Does Dr._______ use Muscle Testing? (a doctor who uses this can often find answers or indications when you've had trouble finding answers any other way)
H) Does Dr. ______ have success with treating (whatever your condition is-if you know it)?
I) Does Dr. _______ do pelvic exams in the office or would you have to be referred to someone else? (if you are a woman)
J) Does Dr. _______ use osteopathy with most patients? (ask this because I went to one D.O. who never even examined me "osteopathically".)
The reason you want to find out if this doctor treats systemic candida or h.pylori is that if this doctor doesn't really know much about these conditions, chances are they are missing one of these diagnosis' in a lot of cases. So many people have candida or h.pylori or both and don't even know it. Also, more natural and alternative doctors know more about candida than do most traditional western physicians. It's just better if they know about it because candida can cause so many other conditions, especially if you're suffering with any kind of gastrointestinal issues. The same goes for H.pylori.
Hopefully you'll be able to get most of these questions answered without being brushed off.
#5 If you can, try to find more than one D.O. or M.D. to visit so that you can choose who you want to start seeing after getting more than one perspective. See two or three and find out which one is more attentive, the better listener, the one who asks you the most questions, and go to that one. Choose the doctor with a balance of both traditional medicine and natural/alternative medicine techniques.
Good Luck. If you need a recommendation for a practitioner (D.O., D.O.C., D.O.M, Neurologist, etc.)in the Austin area, let me know. I may have one.
Friday, July 24, 2009
The Diagnosis
After over a year of chronic nausea (and other hellish symptoms) I finally have my diagnosis. It's scientifically proven by DNA testing. H. Pylori bacterial infection, amount: high. This would explain my symptoms, even the anxiety and depression to an extent. Of course, with anything in the body there is most always an emotional component and there most certainly is with me. But, thanks be to God for an answer. It's NOT all in my head. It's NOT just anxiety. So there. (May post more specifically on H. Pylori and what I've learned about it so far at a later time.)
But what now? So I'm on my round of treatment, natural antibiotics, meaning non-pharmaceutical because pharmaceuticals, well, are toxic and can cause more harm than good. However, at this stage, if I do not see much improvement, and I mean soon, I will go that route because as one doctor (out of many I've communicated with) has told me, "you don't want to screw around with h.pylori." And it's true. I fear what it can become...(please God don't let this get worse.)
Christ says, have no fear. I know that. But when fear has been the dominant emotion of your 25 years of life, it is very very hard to penetrate that thick blackness. But I believe in the God of Healing. I believe in the God of Healing. I repeat to myself. I say the Jesus prayer when I...remember to. Still not good enough.
I mostly wonder what God's plan is for me. Why hasn't he just taken my life already? For some reason he wants me alive still. What is the purpose of my life of suffering? Yes, God has been SO merciful to me in so many ways, but I can't say in all honesty that I've ever been "healthy" or completely functional. If I am healed, when I am healed, will I go on to become some great knowledgeable doctor of sorts that helps other people who are suffering in the way that I have? Perhaps my purpose is to simply be me. (Oh, God, I hope not.) But it has to be a transformed me and hopefully, tragically, closer to Jesus Christ.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Invisible Fireworks
Tonight I heard the fireworks from alone in my apartment, but did not see them. Tonight I got text messages from my sister saying she liked my cute card and CD I made her for her birthday, but did not get to see her open them or celebrate with my family. This is how my life has been. For a long time. Like the fireworks, I am invisible to the rest of life. Even to myself. I don't know who I am anymore. Other than this person who is always sick, scared, depressed, and fighting. I want to be more than that. I feel dead inside and a lot of the time long for true death so I don't have to live like this anymore. But I'm in a dilemma because I'm so in love with my husband. On one hand, I can be dead inside and act alive so that I stay with my husband. On the other, I die and end this suffering (mine, my husband's, my family's) but leave my husband behind. I also have another dilemma. Do I accept my situation and thank God that I'm not worse, say, like I'm not vomiting blood all the time. Should I just be thankful for that and stop wanting more? Or, do I go ahead and ask for mercy without deserving it, feeling like I'm wrong to be wanting. It's hard to find the balance between acceptance and wanting more.
I remember this reading from "The Imitation of Christ" by Thomas A Kempis, that my husband read to me. Book two, chapter 12. "On the Royal Road of the Holy Cross." It is one of the best meditations on suffering I have heard.
Here it is in full:
On the Royal Road of the Holy Cross
`Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Me.'(Matt. 16:24) To many this saying of Jesus seems hard. But how much harder will it be to hear that word of doom, `Depart from Me, you cursed, into everlasting fire'. (Matt.25:41) For those who now cheerfully hear and obey the word of the Cross (I Cor. 1:18) will not tremble to hear the sentence of eternal damnation. The sign of the Cross will appear in the heavens, when Our Lord comes as judge. Then will all the servants of the Cross-, who in their lives conformed themselves to the Crucified, (Rom 8:29) stand with confidence before Christ, their judge.
Why, then, do you fear to take up the Cross-, which is the road to the Kingdom? In the Cross is salvation; in the Cross is life; in the Cross is protection against our enemies; in the Cross is infusion of heavenly sweetness; in the Cross is strength of mind; in the Cross is joy of spirit; in the Cross is excellence of virtue; in the Cross is perfection of holiness. There is no salvation of soul, nor hope of eternal life, save in the Cross. Take up the Cross-, therefore, and follow Jesus, (Matt. 16:24) and go forward into eternal life. (Matt.25:46) Christ has gone before you, bearing His Cross; (John 19:17) He died for you on the Cross, that you also may bear your cross, and desire to die on the cross with Him. For if you die with Him, you will also live with Him. (Rom 6:8) And if you share His sufferings, you will also share His glory.
See how in the Cross all things consist, and in dying on it all things depend. There is no other way to life and to true inner peace, than the way of the Cross and of daily self-denial. Go where you will, seek what you will; you will find no higher way above or safer way below than the road of the Holy Cross. Arrange and order all things to your own ideas and wishes, yet you will still find suffering to endure, whether you will or not; so you will always find the Cross. For you will either endure bodily pain, or suffer anguish of mind and spirit.
At times, God will withdraw from you; at times you will be troubled by your neighbor, and, what is more, you will often be a burden to yourself. Neither can any remedy or comfort bring you relief, but you must bear it as long as God wills. For God desires that you learn to bear trials without comfort, that you may yield yourself wholly to Him, and grow more humble through tribulation. No man feels so deeply in his heart the Passion of Christ as he who has to suffer in like manner. The Cross always stands ready, and everywhere awaits you. You cannot escape it, wherever you flee; for wherever you go, you bear yourself, and always find yourself. Look up or down, without you or within, and everywhere you will find the Cross. And everywhere you must have patience, if you wish to attain inner peace, and win an eternal crown.
If you bear the cross willingly, it will bear you and lead you to your desired goal, where pain shall be no more; but it will not be in this life. If you bear the cross unwillingly, you make it a burden, and load yourself more heavily; but you must needs bear it. If you cast away one cross, you will certainly find another, and perhaps a heavier.
Do you think to escape what no mortal man has been able to escape? Which of the Saints lived without cross or trial? Even our Lord Jesus Christ was never without sorrow and pain, as long as He lived. `Christ must needs suffer,' said He, `and rise again from the dead, and so enter into His glory.'(Luke 24:26) Why, then, do you seek any other road than this royal road of the Holy Cross? The whole life of Christ was a cross and martyrdom; and do you look for rest and selfish pleasure?
You are greatly mistaken if you look for anything save to endure trials, for all this mortal life is full of troubles, (Job 14:1) and everywhere marked with crosses. The further a man advances in the spiritual life, the heavier and more numerous he finds the crosses, for his ever-deepening love of God makes more bitter the sorrows of his earthly exile.
Yet a man who is afflicted in many ways is not without solace and comfort, for he perceives the great benefit to be reaped from the bearing of his cross. For while he bears it with a good will, the whole burden is changed into hope of God's comfort. And the more the body is subdued by affliction, the more is the spirit strengthened by grace within. Sometimes he is so greatly comforted by the desire to suffer adversity for love of conforming to the Cross of Christ, that he would not wish to be without grief and pain; (2 Cor. 4:10) for he knows that the more he can suffer for His sake, the more pleasing he will be to God. This desire does not spring from man's own strength, but from the grace of Christ, which can and does effect such great things in the frail frame of man; so that which nature fears and avoids, he boldly meets and loves through ardor of spirit.
Man is not by nature inclined to carry the cross, to love the cross, to chasten the body, and bring it into subjection; (I Cor. 9:27) to refuse honors, to submit to insults with goodwill, to despise himself and welcome disparagement; to bear all adversity and loss, and to desire no kind of prosperity in this world. And if you trust in your own strength, you will be unable to achieve any of these things. But if you trust in the Lord, you will be given strength from Heaven, and the world and the flesh will become subject to your will. Neither will you fear your enemy the Devil, if you are armed with faith and signed with the Cross of Christ.
Resolve, then, as a good and faithful servant of Christ, manfully to bear the cross of your Lord, who was crucified for love of you. Prepare yourself to endure many trials and obstacles in this vale of tears; for such will be your lot wherever you are, and you will encounter them wherever you conceal yourself. It must needs be so; nor is there any remedy or means of escape from ills and grief s; you must endure them. Drink lovingly the cup of your Lord, (Matt. 20:23) if you wish to be His friend, and to share all with Him. Leave consolations to God, to dispose as He wills. But set yourself to endure trials, regarding them as the greatest of all comforts, `for the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory to come', (Rom. 8:18) even though you alone were to endure them all.
When you have arrived at that state when trouble seems sweet and acceptable to you for Christ's sake, then all is well with you, for you have hound paradise upon earth. But so long as suffering is grievous to you and you seek to escape it, so long will it go ill with you, for the trouble you try to escape will pursue you everywhere.
If you steel yourself -, as you must - to suffer and to die, all will go better with you, and you will find peace. For although, like Saint Paul, you were `caught up into the third heaven',(2 Cor. 12:4) you would not on this account be secured against suffering further adversity. For Jesus says, `I will show him how great things he must suffer for My Name.'(Acts 9:16) Therefore, be prepared to suffer, if you wish to love Jesus and serve Him forever.
Oh, if only you were worthy to suffer for the Name of Jesus! How great and enduring a glory would be yours! How great would be the joy of the Saints of God! How edified your friends would be! For all men commend patience, although few are willing to suffer. It is right that you should suffer a little for the sake of Christ, since many suffer greater things for worldly motives.
Be assured of this, that you must live a dying life. And the more completely a man dies to self, the more he begins to live to God. (Rom. 6:9 ) No man is fit to understand heavenly things, unless he is resigned to bear hardships for Christ's sake. Nothing is more acceptable to God, and nothing more salutary for you, than to suffer gladly for Christ's sake. And if it lies in your choice, you should choose rather to suffer hardships for Christ's sake, than to be refreshed by many consolations; for thus you will more closely resemble Christ and all His Saints. For our merit and spiritual progress does not consist in enjoying such sweetness and consolation, but rather in the bearing of great burdens and troubles.
Had there been a better way, more profitable to the salvation of mankind than suffering, then Christ would have revealed it in His word and life. But He clearly urges both His own disciples and all who wish to follow Him to carry the cross, saying, `If any will come after Me, let him deny himself, take up his cross and follow Me.'(Mark 8:34) Therefore, when we have read and studied all things, let thus be our final resolve: 'that through much tribulation we must enter the Kingdom of God.'(Acts 14:22)
I remember this reading from "The Imitation of Christ" by Thomas A Kempis, that my husband read to me. Book two, chapter 12. "On the Royal Road of the Holy Cross." It is one of the best meditations on suffering I have heard.
Here it is in full:
On the Royal Road of the Holy Cross
`Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Me.'(Matt. 16:24) To many this saying of Jesus seems hard. But how much harder will it be to hear that word of doom, `Depart from Me, you cursed, into everlasting fire'. (Matt.25:41) For those who now cheerfully hear and obey the word of the Cross (I Cor. 1:18) will not tremble to hear the sentence of eternal damnation. The sign of the Cross will appear in the heavens, when Our Lord comes as judge. Then will all the servants of the Cross-, who in their lives conformed themselves to the Crucified, (Rom 8:29) stand with confidence before Christ, their judge.
Why, then, do you fear to take up the Cross-, which is the road to the Kingdom? In the Cross is salvation; in the Cross is life; in the Cross is protection against our enemies; in the Cross is infusion of heavenly sweetness; in the Cross is strength of mind; in the Cross is joy of spirit; in the Cross is excellence of virtue; in the Cross is perfection of holiness. There is no salvation of soul, nor hope of eternal life, save in the Cross. Take up the Cross-, therefore, and follow Jesus, (Matt. 16:24) and go forward into eternal life. (Matt.25:46) Christ has gone before you, bearing His Cross; (John 19:17) He died for you on the Cross, that you also may bear your cross, and desire to die on the cross with Him. For if you die with Him, you will also live with Him. (Rom 6:8) And if you share His sufferings, you will also share His glory.
See how in the Cross all things consist, and in dying on it all things depend. There is no other way to life and to true inner peace, than the way of the Cross and of daily self-denial. Go where you will, seek what you will; you will find no higher way above or safer way below than the road of the Holy Cross. Arrange and order all things to your own ideas and wishes, yet you will still find suffering to endure, whether you will or not; so you will always find the Cross. For you will either endure bodily pain, or suffer anguish of mind and spirit.
At times, God will withdraw from you; at times you will be troubled by your neighbor, and, what is more, you will often be a burden to yourself. Neither can any remedy or comfort bring you relief, but you must bear it as long as God wills. For God desires that you learn to bear trials without comfort, that you may yield yourself wholly to Him, and grow more humble through tribulation. No man feels so deeply in his heart the Passion of Christ as he who has to suffer in like manner. The Cross always stands ready, and everywhere awaits you. You cannot escape it, wherever you flee; for wherever you go, you bear yourself, and always find yourself. Look up or down, without you or within, and everywhere you will find the Cross. And everywhere you must have patience, if you wish to attain inner peace, and win an eternal crown.
If you bear the cross willingly, it will bear you and lead you to your desired goal, where pain shall be no more; but it will not be in this life. If you bear the cross unwillingly, you make it a burden, and load yourself more heavily; but you must needs bear it. If you cast away one cross, you will certainly find another, and perhaps a heavier.
Do you think to escape what no mortal man has been able to escape? Which of the Saints lived without cross or trial? Even our Lord Jesus Christ was never without sorrow and pain, as long as He lived. `Christ must needs suffer,' said He, `and rise again from the dead, and so enter into His glory.'(Luke 24:26) Why, then, do you seek any other road than this royal road of the Holy Cross? The whole life of Christ was a cross and martyrdom; and do you look for rest and selfish pleasure?
You are greatly mistaken if you look for anything save to endure trials, for all this mortal life is full of troubles, (Job 14:1) and everywhere marked with crosses. The further a man advances in the spiritual life, the heavier and more numerous he finds the crosses, for his ever-deepening love of God makes more bitter the sorrows of his earthly exile.
Yet a man who is afflicted in many ways is not without solace and comfort, for he perceives the great benefit to be reaped from the bearing of his cross. For while he bears it with a good will, the whole burden is changed into hope of God's comfort. And the more the body is subdued by affliction, the more is the spirit strengthened by grace within. Sometimes he is so greatly comforted by the desire to suffer adversity for love of conforming to the Cross of Christ, that he would not wish to be without grief and pain; (2 Cor. 4:10) for he knows that the more he can suffer for His sake, the more pleasing he will be to God. This desire does not spring from man's own strength, but from the grace of Christ, which can and does effect such great things in the frail frame of man; so that which nature fears and avoids, he boldly meets and loves through ardor of spirit.
Man is not by nature inclined to carry the cross, to love the cross, to chasten the body, and bring it into subjection; (I Cor. 9:27) to refuse honors, to submit to insults with goodwill, to despise himself and welcome disparagement; to bear all adversity and loss, and to desire no kind of prosperity in this world. And if you trust in your own strength, you will be unable to achieve any of these things. But if you trust in the Lord, you will be given strength from Heaven, and the world and the flesh will become subject to your will. Neither will you fear your enemy the Devil, if you are armed with faith and signed with the Cross of Christ.
Resolve, then, as a good and faithful servant of Christ, manfully to bear the cross of your Lord, who was crucified for love of you. Prepare yourself to endure many trials and obstacles in this vale of tears; for such will be your lot wherever you are, and you will encounter them wherever you conceal yourself. It must needs be so; nor is there any remedy or means of escape from ills and grief s; you must endure them. Drink lovingly the cup of your Lord, (Matt. 20:23) if you wish to be His friend, and to share all with Him. Leave consolations to God, to dispose as He wills. But set yourself to endure trials, regarding them as the greatest of all comforts, `for the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory to come', (Rom. 8:18) even though you alone were to endure them all.
When you have arrived at that state when trouble seems sweet and acceptable to you for Christ's sake, then all is well with you, for you have hound paradise upon earth. But so long as suffering is grievous to you and you seek to escape it, so long will it go ill with you, for the trouble you try to escape will pursue you everywhere.
If you steel yourself -, as you must - to suffer and to die, all will go better with you, and you will find peace. For although, like Saint Paul, you were `caught up into the third heaven',(2 Cor. 12:4) you would not on this account be secured against suffering further adversity. For Jesus says, `I will show him how great things he must suffer for My Name.'(Acts 9:16) Therefore, be prepared to suffer, if you wish to love Jesus and serve Him forever.
Oh, if only you were worthy to suffer for the Name of Jesus! How great and enduring a glory would be yours! How great would be the joy of the Saints of God! How edified your friends would be! For all men commend patience, although few are willing to suffer. It is right that you should suffer a little for the sake of Christ, since many suffer greater things for worldly motives.
Be assured of this, that you must live a dying life. And the more completely a man dies to self, the more he begins to live to God. (Rom. 6:9 ) No man is fit to understand heavenly things, unless he is resigned to bear hardships for Christ's sake. Nothing is more acceptable to God, and nothing more salutary for you, than to suffer gladly for Christ's sake. And if it lies in your choice, you should choose rather to suffer hardships for Christ's sake, than to be refreshed by many consolations; for thus you will more closely resemble Christ and all His Saints. For our merit and spiritual progress does not consist in enjoying such sweetness and consolation, but rather in the bearing of great burdens and troubles.
Had there been a better way, more profitable to the salvation of mankind than suffering, then Christ would have revealed it in His word and life. But He clearly urges both His own disciples and all who wish to follow Him to carry the cross, saying, `If any will come after Me, let him deny himself, take up his cross and follow Me.'(Mark 8:34) Therefore, when we have read and studied all things, let thus be our final resolve: 'that through much tribulation we must enter the Kingdom of God.'(Acts 14:22)
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Nothing Left to Discuss
Where to start? I've shared our (John and mine) experience looking for a church on this blog previously, so I won't go into the whole story again here. Needless to say, we've been looking for a church for a while. We've been visitors for far too long. It's a lonely place to be. Lately, I have been feeling a disconnect with God. For most of my life this hasn't been the case. I usually feel pretty connected to Him, a lot in part due to the fact that I've been ill for most of my life and that has a way of pushing you into the presence of God. But lately, when I pray I feel like my mind is praying but not my heart. Sometimes I don't even know if he can hear it or if He's there. My picture of Him is blurry like He's very far away. Almost a dream. And I wonder, maybe this has something to do with why I'm still sick.
I believe there is a faith that can heal the body. But I believe in it almost like I believe in the possibility of life on other planets. I trully think it's possible, but I've not experienced it. I want to have that kind of faith. I've come to the point where I want to be part of a church-body where that kind of faith exists. Where miracles can happen, where The Holy Spirit is really alive. What I want and need right now, from being part of a church, is for something to change my life. Something to "turn it upside down," to use the cliche. And I don't just mean in some sort of heartfelt emotional way or even in a revelation kind of way, but in a real physical way.
In Eastern religion, Godly worship and prayer is a physical thing that occurs every single day. Here in the west, not so much. Why are we Christians in the west, not even as disciplined or consistent in our worship of the Trinity as Muslims are in their worship of Allah in the East? In a way I have felt envious of that kind of worship and right now I find myself yearning for it.
After being visitors of many a church, we finally visited St. John the Forerunner for the second time in over a year. My heart and body finally became one and pulled me there today. Thank God that nothing got in the way, that Satan did not get in the way. It's interesting. We left the service and the fellowship and lunch afterward, quiet, with not much to say. The typical response to a new church more often contains negative critiques of the experience having to do with the theology, the sermon, or the overall feeling of the congregation. Not completely negative, but there is usually something on the table to discuss. This is not necessarily a bad thing. (I don't expect perfection from any church) I'm always up for discussion. Usually. But today, no. I was at peace. I was content. I think I was even satisfied. In the Orthodox church, the service is meant to be a picture of Heaven, and I think it was. The brief homily or meditation was brief, to the point, and enlightening. There was nothing about any of it that I felt the need to have answers for. It was what it was and always has been and always will be. That's all. There's nothing more to discuss.
I believe there is a faith that can heal the body. But I believe in it almost like I believe in the possibility of life on other planets. I trully think it's possible, but I've not experienced it. I want to have that kind of faith. I've come to the point where I want to be part of a church-body where that kind of faith exists. Where miracles can happen, where The Holy Spirit is really alive. What I want and need right now, from being part of a church, is for something to change my life. Something to "turn it upside down," to use the cliche. And I don't just mean in some sort of heartfelt emotional way or even in a revelation kind of way, but in a real physical way.
In Eastern religion, Godly worship and prayer is a physical thing that occurs every single day. Here in the west, not so much. Why are we Christians in the west, not even as disciplined or consistent in our worship of the Trinity as Muslims are in their worship of Allah in the East? In a way I have felt envious of that kind of worship and right now I find myself yearning for it.
After being visitors of many a church, we finally visited St. John the Forerunner for the second time in over a year. My heart and body finally became one and pulled me there today. Thank God that nothing got in the way, that Satan did not get in the way. It's interesting. We left the service and the fellowship and lunch afterward, quiet, with not much to say. The typical response to a new church more often contains negative critiques of the experience having to do with the theology, the sermon, or the overall feeling of the congregation. Not completely negative, but there is usually something on the table to discuss. This is not necessarily a bad thing. (I don't expect perfection from any church) I'm always up for discussion. Usually. But today, no. I was at peace. I was content. I think I was even satisfied. In the Orthodox church, the service is meant to be a picture of Heaven, and I think it was. The brief homily or meditation was brief, to the point, and enlightening. There was nothing about any of it that I felt the need to have answers for. It was what it was and always has been and always will be. That's all. There's nothing more to discuss.
Monday, March 2, 2009
The Bachelor = Insanity!!
Tonight's Bachelor-The Final Rose and After The Final Rose (and then tomorrow night there is apparently After The Final Rose Part 2?!) was the most dramatic rose ceremony EVER. I've been a follower of this show for many a season, and this year it was no different, especially when the bachelor happened to be Jason Meznick, the guy DeAnna dumped for Jesse on last season's The Bachelorette and was the first Bachelor to bring a son along with him. I was already emotionally invested in Jason on DeAnna's run. If you're like me and you watch the Bachelor, first of all, and you are a very empathetic person than you have felt all these "unbelievable" and "amazing" emotions yourself right along with Jason and all the women he's fallen for. Tonight we fell in love right along with him and Melissa, and with him and Molly. Truly. And unbelievably. Then we are torn when we are in love with two women at once and can't see either of them go! But he has to make a choice. I BLAME THE SHOW. The show is what caused this insanity. But of course! Jason was given mere hours to decide between two women both of whom he was clearly falling in love with, and had to choose which one to keep on forever and which one to let go of forever when in real life he should have been free to continue dating them both and see what happens naturally over a course of natural time. This was the gliche in the system. Under the pressure of his own emotions, the emotions of the women, the thoughts of his family, the crazy opinions of the Surprise DeAnna, and the time pressure from the show he had to make a choice, a choice he was not ready to make. So, we see him fall in love with Melissa and choose her, he exclaims, "I love you! I Love you! I Love you!" They get engaged. Ty (his son) runs up to them and they all jump into the pool in their formal clothes. A Happy family. A forever ending. Right? No. Just after a short commercial break (well, not that short) After The Final Rose airs and in minutes Jason confesses to a non-existent studio audience that he and Melissa aren't right for each other afterall! Digest that! Then! He says he still thinks about Molly who I always thought he was going to choose to begin with, and wants to ask her for another chance. This is just insane. How can ABC expect their audience to fall in love, get their heart broken, fall in love, get their heart broken again, along with confusion, and then fall in love again all in a matter of 2 hours! Even in movies, the screenwriter is supposed to let up on the emotional intensity from time to time in the story to give the audience a breather. There was no breather on The Bachelor tonight. I feel my mind was being played with. I don't like that one bit! I'm mad at The Bachelor (not Jason, but the show) for putting people through these situations and then putting audiences through it as well. Poor Melissa and poor Molly. I don't think I would have given Jason a chance so easily after he chose another woman and then just dropped her. Be very careful Molly. He may not ever be sure! I know you're just happy he had you in his heart and mind all along, but be careful. (He might've just had a case of yearning after the one that got away. Which that will be Melissa this time.) This show is wack. But, I return again and again. Believe it or not it really does get more "real" as it goes along and that's what's so captivating about it. It's actually unbelievable.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Dream Big?
Is it wrong to dream of the HGTV Dream Home 2009 in Sonoma Valley, California? Just a short drive away from San Francisco in the wine country? Is it lustful to browse through the delicious photos of the master suite, the glamorous foyer, the 2-of-everything kitchen, and the herb and vegetable garden in the backyard including a mini-Zinfandel vineyard? The victorian style "farmhouse" comes with a Dream Doggy House. We could get that puppy or medium sized dog we've been wanting to get for years but could never get because we don't own our own home. Maybe home ownership is overrated, as a friend posted on her blog, but what if you were a home owner for FREE. I'm presuming there are hidden costs, not to mention the electric bill on a 2 floor, 3 bedroom, 2 bath house, who knows how many square feet. Is it even ethical to have that much space and use that much energy? (We're talking two refrigerators, two wine keepers and all the other elaborate appliances.) You know what my dream is? If I won a house of that size (well maybe larger. I saw the little house off to the side and thought it was a guest quarters which would be perfect to share with family, but it turned out to be the Doggy House.) my dream would be to share it with my family because the space would allow for more privacy. I really don't think that one family would be worth the size of that house. I'd really love to own a huge hacienda or something where our whole church community could live there as a community that takes care of one another, sharing food, sharing talent, sharing costs, and living together in harmony. I entered this sweepstakes a few times and will watch in suspense as they announce the winner on TV on March 15th at 7:00. And there's a part of me that will hope and wonder if the winner is, maybe possibly, me. Us. I will wonder if their van is parked outside our house waiting to spring in on us surprised. Would it be sinful to pray to God for it? I think of how our life would change. We would relocate to Sonoma, California. John would look for a Starbucks there or maybe some other retail coffee shop. Maybe he'd start school at some point. And I'd be a housewife until...until I'm not. And we'd have to have parties and entertain with a house of that grandeur. It's meant to be showed off, is it not? But we'd have no friends or family to share it with. Everyone would still be back in Round Rock and Austin. Well, there's always John's parents in Orange Cove. They could visit. Oh yeah, and my family in Tulare. It would be a drive for them. But, we wouldn't ever have to worry about paying rent again or qualifying for a house of our own. We'd have that money to go toward the electric bill! And our other debts and perhaps a little to save, a little leeway. We'd have gorgeous Sonoma. Finally we'd get to live in a beautiful place where we could literally take walks and every path would be romantic and pleasant. As opposed to having to get in the car to go anywhere mildly pretty (pretty bland really) here in Round Rock, TX. The air would be cleaner. The climate, mild. We could see mountains and be closer to the coast. We could walk to the farmer's market. I wonder if we'd start a family under these dream-like conditions. Everything would be so dreamy, at least that's how it appears. In my mind. Would this, could this be God's will? Is it good to dream? Or is it vanity and striving after wind?
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